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laleiaI'm sorry for spamming, I promise. I just .... got bored during work and wrote a lot.
So. Now we go with Jackie Chan Adventures futurefic ...
----
“Of all fields I thought you’d end up in, Jade – anthropology?”
“Shush,” the dark-haired twenty-something chided. “It’s a perfectly good field. Haven’t you ever watched Bones? Forensic anthropology at its finest.”
“But it’s not like you’re doing forensic anthropology,” Paco pointed out. “That would be understandable. It’s along the lines of law enforcement, and you’d actually get to work with dead people. But all you’re working with is dead cultures.”
“The unenlightened cannot understand,” Jade proclaimed loftily, barely dodging Paco’s chucked olive. “Alright, alright already. Sheesh. You don’t see a guy for half a decade because he’s too busy winning titles and being a celebrity, and when you do meet, all he does is criticize you.”
“What titles?” Paco asked ironically. “And I’m not criticizing you. I just want to understand how you’ve changed so much in the last five years, while I was off fighting crime.”
“What you don’t understand about anthropology, Paco,” Jade explained with an unnatural gleam in her eyes, “is that it’s not just the study of dead cultures. It’s the study of dead cultures … with still-persisting magic.”
“Ahhhh…”
----
“See, there’s this network,” Jade explained, logging onto her computer. “I kind of founded it, with some friends from school. It’s the mahou shoujo network.”
“Mahou shoujo?”
“Japanese for magical girl.”
“Last I checked, you were Chinese, Jade.”
“Yes, but the majority of the girls are Japanese. And before you ask, they’re all girls. It just ended up that way.”
“And can guys join?”
“Yes. It’s just the Magical Girl network because there’s a whole genre in Japan about it.”
“Really.”
Jade rolled her eyes. “So we’ve got a range of experience, from supernatural ghost-hunting experts, to general magicians, to inherited superpowers. Our geographical diversity isn’t so hot, though. Japan, I mentioned, is where most everyone is based. We’ve got a lot of Asia covered, actually, and much of the U.S. Western Europe we have a few people, but not much in Eastern Europe, and I haven’t been able to find anyone from Latin America, South America, Africa … anywhere I haven’t been. I’ve only got one person in Australia, but she’s versatile, so …”
“So let me get this straight. Do you want me to join your magical girl network, despite being neither magical nor a girl, or did you want me to somehow miraculously recruit somebody, because hell knows I just come across girls acquainted with the occult everyday when I’m back home.”
“If you could do both, that would be great,” Jade smiled sweetly.
“Now that you’re done with business,” Paco rolled his eyes, “can you explain to me what is up with Viper and your uncle?”
“Same old, same old,” Jade shrugged. “He wants her to reform; she wants him to lighten up. Neither wants a long-term commitment with the other, but neither is willing to give the other up. I imagine the only thing really keeping them together is the really great sex I try not to imagine.”
“And how’s Uncle and Tohru? Is Tohru any better?”
“You can come over for dinner Friday night and see, if you want. Tohru lost a lot of weight, but he seems to be better now. Maybe the acupuncture really worked. The tumor hasn’t relapsed, although he still doesn’t have much of an appetite. Uncle is as healthy as ever; he’ll probably live forever. How’s El Toro?”
“Married, ostensibly retired, and still fit as ever. He’s actually got a baby on the way.”
“Awww…”
Paco blinked. “You just cooed over the thought of a baby.”
“Shut up.”
“Could it be?”
“Shut up or I will hurt you.”
“Are those-”
“I’m not even kidding. Don’t go there.”
“-maternal instincts- Ow!”
Jade nodded in satisfaction as Paco rubbed his arm. “I can’t believe you went there.”
“Is this how you treat your boyfriend?” Paco asked. “Abusively?”
Jade flushed, but her voice remained even. “My boyfriend knows better than to go there.”
“Wait, you have a boyfriend? Seriously?” This
----
“Viper! It’s so good to see you!” The two women hugged.
----
“Come on, Drew, it’ll be fun!”
“Jade, I’m gay. Not a woman. There is a difference, you know.”
“You are the only gay guy I know who doesn’t like shopping.”
“Coming from the only woman I know who hates shopping? Why do you feel it necessary to drag me along on your shopping trip from hell?”
“Because if you’re going to be my date to the Benefit, you might as well help me choose something that coordinates …”
“I’m only your date because you coerced me, Jade. And you already know what I’m going to wear – the same old tux I always wear.”
“Are you really such a bad friend as to force me to go shopping with Ashleigh by myself? Shopping for an evening gown, nonetheless? I’ll shoot myself before the day is done. Or her. I need you along to keep me out of jail!”
“So you want to inflict Ashleigh on me?”
“She likes you – and I’ll buy you three milkshakes!”
“Three milkshakes and two orders of chili cheese fries.”
“Two milkshakes and one order of chili cheese fries.”
“Two milkshakes and two orders of chili cheese fries.”
“Done.”
So. Now we go with Jackie Chan Adventures futurefic ...
----
“Of all fields I thought you’d end up in, Jade – anthropology?”
“Shush,” the dark-haired twenty-something chided. “It’s a perfectly good field. Haven’t you ever watched Bones? Forensic anthropology at its finest.”
“But it’s not like you’re doing forensic anthropology,” Paco pointed out. “That would be understandable. It’s along the lines of law enforcement, and you’d actually get to work with dead people. But all you’re working with is dead cultures.”
“The unenlightened cannot understand,” Jade proclaimed loftily, barely dodging Paco’s chucked olive. “Alright, alright already. Sheesh. You don’t see a guy for half a decade because he’s too busy winning titles and being a celebrity, and when you do meet, all he does is criticize you.”
“What titles?” Paco asked ironically. “And I’m not criticizing you. I just want to understand how you’ve changed so much in the last five years, while I was off fighting crime.”
“What you don’t understand about anthropology, Paco,” Jade explained with an unnatural gleam in her eyes, “is that it’s not just the study of dead cultures. It’s the study of dead cultures … with still-persisting magic.”
“Ahhhh…”
----
“See, there’s this network,” Jade explained, logging onto her computer. “I kind of founded it, with some friends from school. It’s the mahou shoujo network.”
“Mahou shoujo?”
“Japanese for magical girl.”
“Last I checked, you were Chinese, Jade.”
“Yes, but the majority of the girls are Japanese. And before you ask, they’re all girls. It just ended up that way.”
“And can guys join?”
“Yes. It’s just the Magical Girl network because there’s a whole genre in Japan about it.”
“Really.”
Jade rolled her eyes. “So we’ve got a range of experience, from supernatural ghost-hunting experts, to general magicians, to inherited superpowers. Our geographical diversity isn’t so hot, though. Japan, I mentioned, is where most everyone is based. We’ve got a lot of Asia covered, actually, and much of the U.S. Western Europe we have a few people, but not much in Eastern Europe, and I haven’t been able to find anyone from Latin America, South America, Africa … anywhere I haven’t been. I’ve only got one person in Australia, but she’s versatile, so …”
“So let me get this straight. Do you want me to join your magical girl network, despite being neither magical nor a girl, or did you want me to somehow miraculously recruit somebody, because hell knows I just come across girls acquainted with the occult everyday when I’m back home.”
“If you could do both, that would be great,” Jade smiled sweetly.
“Now that you’re done with business,” Paco rolled his eyes, “can you explain to me what is up with Viper and your uncle?”
“Same old, same old,” Jade shrugged. “He wants her to reform; she wants him to lighten up. Neither wants a long-term commitment with the other, but neither is willing to give the other up. I imagine the only thing really keeping them together is the really great sex I try not to imagine.”
“And how’s Uncle and Tohru? Is Tohru any better?”
“You can come over for dinner Friday night and see, if you want. Tohru lost a lot of weight, but he seems to be better now. Maybe the acupuncture really worked. The tumor hasn’t relapsed, although he still doesn’t have much of an appetite. Uncle is as healthy as ever; he’ll probably live forever. How’s El Toro?”
“Married, ostensibly retired, and still fit as ever. He’s actually got a baby on the way.”
“Awww…”
Paco blinked. “You just cooed over the thought of a baby.”
“Shut up.”
“Could it be?”
“Shut up or I will hurt you.”
“Are those-”
“I’m not even kidding. Don’t go there.”
“-maternal instincts- Ow!”
Jade nodded in satisfaction as Paco rubbed his arm. “I can’t believe you went there.”
“Is this how you treat your boyfriend?” Paco asked. “Abusively?”
Jade flushed, but her voice remained even. “My boyfriend knows better than to go there.”
“Wait, you have a boyfriend? Seriously?” This
----
“Viper! It’s so good to see you!” The two women hugged.
----
“Come on, Drew, it’ll be fun!”
“Jade, I’m gay. Not a woman. There is a difference, you know.”
“You are the only gay guy I know who doesn’t like shopping.”
“Coming from the only woman I know who hates shopping? Why do you feel it necessary to drag me along on your shopping trip from hell?”
“Because if you’re going to be my date to the Benefit, you might as well help me choose something that coordinates …”
“I’m only your date because you coerced me, Jade. And you already know what I’m going to wear – the same old tux I always wear.”
“Are you really such a bad friend as to force me to go shopping with Ashleigh by myself? Shopping for an evening gown, nonetheless? I’ll shoot myself before the day is done. Or her. I need you along to keep me out of jail!”
“So you want to inflict Ashleigh on me?”
“She likes you – and I’ll buy you three milkshakes!”
“Three milkshakes and two orders of chili cheese fries.”
“Two milkshakes and one order of chili cheese fries.”
“Two milkshakes and two orders of chili cheese fries.”
“Done.”
