My family hails from both the Mainland and Taiwan, though the half from Taiwan was originally from the Mainland. However, the s.o. (who spent a decade in Taiwan) observed the same traits in the females surrounding him (at work and as friends) when he was there.
I also had a recent experience with a Taiwanese friend who went through the same thing that female in-laws in my family went through - meaning her (now ex-)boyfriend's sisters and mother basically treated her like dirt and, ultimately, influenced said (ex-)boyfriend to break up with her. Even when the "moment of truth" came, he never actually broached the subject. He sort of... retreated into himself for a number of months, and it wasn't until my friend forced him to talk about it that they actually finally had a discussion about it. Not only that, but he never officially said, "I think we need to break up." He mumbled and muttered and avoided saying anything conclusive. My friend was the one who finally said, "So do you want to break up?" Even then his answer wasn't very clear.
(Infuriatingly enough, she was so torn up over the break up that she repeatedly wondered that if she hadn't brought it up, maybe they would still be together. She's better about it now, thankfully. I also realize I'm only going off of one side of the story, but the general circumstances fit so neatly with what I personally have experienced that I take it as pretty accurate.)
Long-winded tangent; I apologize. It's all to say that it sounds like it may be a regional thing... come to think of it, it occurs to me that these tendencies are especially exhibited in my friends with families from Taiwan. Maybe it's a fluke that the half of my family that isn't exhibits these traits too.
Though (lots of "thoughs," sorry, this comment is all over the place!) my s.o. (who I obviously talk with a lot (as one would hope)) observed that even Chinese women from the Mainland held all the sway over their boyfriends. While they would be soft-spoken in their mannerisms and speech, when he saw them with their boyfriends it was plain to see who was in charge. Something to consider in those cases is that these were all Chinese women coming to America for their Master's and Ph.D.'s, so perhaps education is coming into play, too? In any case, sexism in Chinese culture is clearly a very complicated issue! (My cop-out conclusion.)
I also wonder if what I'm observing is a more... modern form of gender power. I could certainly see how families who came to the States a long while back would cling to "traditional" cultural tendencies while the culture back home continues to evolve. The families who have come over to the States, then, get trapped in some sort of, er, timewarp, where they're still living in the past. Again, that gets really complicated though, because you'll certainly have more "modernization" in the cities, and the "traditional" families over here get to contend with ABC children... long story short! Complex issue!
Come to think of it, gender power in Chinese families/relationships is probably a different issue than sexism in Chinese culture...
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2009-09-20 07:58 pm (UTC)I also had a recent experience with a Taiwanese friend who went through the same thing that female in-laws in my family went through - meaning her (now ex-)boyfriend's sisters and mother basically treated her like dirt and, ultimately, influenced said (ex-)boyfriend to break up with her. Even when the "moment of truth" came, he never actually broached the subject. He sort of... retreated into himself for a number of months, and it wasn't until my friend forced him to talk about it that they actually finally had a discussion about it. Not only that, but he never officially said, "I think we need to break up." He mumbled and muttered and avoided saying anything conclusive. My friend was the one who finally said, "So do you want to break up?" Even then his answer wasn't very clear.
(Infuriatingly enough, she was so torn up over the break up that she repeatedly wondered that if she hadn't brought it up, maybe they would still be together. She's better about it now, thankfully. I also realize I'm only going off of one side of the story, but the general circumstances fit so neatly with what I personally have experienced that I take it as pretty accurate.)
Long-winded tangent; I apologize. It's all to say that it sounds like it may be a regional thing... come to think of it, it occurs to me that these tendencies are especially exhibited in my friends with families from Taiwan. Maybe it's a fluke that the half of my family that isn't exhibits these traits too.
Though (lots of "thoughs," sorry, this comment is all over the place!) my s.o. (who I obviously talk with a lot (as one would hope)) observed that even Chinese women from the Mainland held all the sway over their boyfriends. While they would be soft-spoken in their mannerisms and speech, when he saw them with their boyfriends it was plain to see who was in charge. Something to consider in those cases is that these were all Chinese women coming to America for their Master's and Ph.D.'s, so perhaps education is coming into play, too? In any case, sexism in Chinese culture is clearly a very complicated issue! (My cop-out conclusion.)
I also wonder if what I'm observing is a more... modern form of gender power. I could certainly see how families who came to the States a long while back would cling to "traditional" cultural tendencies while the culture back home continues to evolve. The families who have come over to the States, then, get trapped in some sort of, er, timewarp, where they're still living in the past. Again, that gets really complicated though, because you'll certainly have more "modernization" in the cities, and the "traditional" families over here get to contend with ABC children... long story short! Complex issue!
Come to think of it, gender power in Chinese families/relationships is probably a different issue than sexism in Chinese culture...